Patty O’Sullivan, Ph.D.

Kids! I don’t know what’s wrong with these kids today!
Kids! Who can understand anything they say?

They’re disobedient, disrespectful oafs!

Noisy, crazy, dirty, lazy, loafers!

Kids! You can talk and talk till your face is blue!

Kids! But they still just do what they want to do!

(Bye, Bye Birdie)

These lyrics look like they could be applied to every new generation of kids. The ever-transitioning teen years are heralded by statements of rebellion as exhibited by clothes, hair styles, music, and slang; each generation breaking away from the herd to establish their identity. However, today’s youth have shifted the paradigm to fast forward and there is no turning back.

A New Species

Millennials, kids born after 1982 and raised with technology, are a breed apart.  They are more puzzlement than amazement for the significant adults in their lives. Results from my on-going study of Millennials (also known as Gen Y) showed that there were twice as many things that bewildered than astonished. So, what makes them different from the Hippies and Yuppies of previous generations?

The answer is technology. Functional MRIs reveal that being wired to the computer and video games for long periods of time have created new pathways in the brain. These kids can use both sides of their brains simultaneously.  They see short cuts and easier ways of problem solving.

As adults, we tend to get stuck in “back in the day” mentality with the hope it will spur kids to appreciate the olden days and learn from them. For Millennials, pre-technology is part of the Dark Ages.  The era of being compliant is but a speed bump to these lightening- fast cyberspace travelers. We can not sit back hoping that they will grow out of it and conform to our norms. If we fail to recognize the differences and the evolution of a new species, we will be doomed to frustration and lose the heart-core of our connectivity with kids.

The Puzzlement: What do kids look like from inside our world?

 Why can’t they be like we were, perfect in every way?
What’s the matter with kids today?

The way we were as teenagers wasn’t perfect. It is challenging not to compare our generation to theirs. Often, the viewing and evaluating of kids is with our “generational eyes”.

So, what bugs adults about Millennials?

No manners, spending less time outdoors, entitlement, disrespectful for authority, no hope for the future, no boundaries, difficulty understanding consequences, piercings and tattoos, music, more influenced by media, materialistic, short attention span, more physical aggression and early engagement in sex, drugs and alcohol.

The Amazement: What does it look like from inside their world?

• 24 x 7 availability of food and customized entertainment (cell phones, iPods, computer/video games)
• When wired, images change every 2 to 7 seconds, which heightens the adrenalin rush.
• Over 3 million new words and phrases added to their lexicon/slanguage since 1999.   (www.urbandictionary.com )
• Global connectivity
• Instant access to anything they want to know
• The new language of texting and the disappearance of the hand-written word
• The ability to think laterally
• Rapid, facile hand-eye coordination

Understand, Then Seek To Be Understood

Information does not equal transformation.  Healthy relationships equal life-enhancing transformation. So, how do our kids want us in their lives? A way to access the HOW is by knowing what they want.

Kids want: a voice, to be visible, to be valued, to find their own answers, to collaborate with their peers, to be challenged, to be trusted, respected, acknowledged and appreciated, and a winnable game plan for school and life.

Kids want us to know that: they have their own brand of brilliance, they are willing to take risks, they want to be included, they want structure, goals and help in navigating the every day challenges they face.

Although this generation is accustomed to change, they do not expect us to keep up with them.  They are willing to teach us what they know. They are hungry for good role models, mentoring and coaching.

Attitude and Action

The chasm of disconnection can be bridged by starting with what is right. Positivity opens the doors for bonding with youth. Take a moment to recall your upbringing. What was noticed?  What was commented on?  For many of us, our childhood interaction with parents, teachers and adults was to be compliant – obedient to the rules. Often, the only time we heard from them was when we didn’t do what we were told. Are we repeating negative reinforcement by unconsciously duplicating what happened to us?   Not if we wake up and make some fresh changes to stale habits.

It Starts With You 

We can’t give what we don’t have.  So, it is essential to start with self-reflection.  What do you want be known for? What positive qualities do you have that uplift others? Take a few moments to list your assets and what fulfills you. Who you are and what you have to share is priceless.

Here are some practical steps for accentuating the positive and building visibility and value when interacting with Millennials:

1. Call them by their given name.
2. Be warm and welcoming.
3. Invite them to be part of decisions and solutions.
4. Give them opportunities that build confidence and skills.
5. Acknowledge a strength, gift or talent they have.
6. Catch them doing something right.
7. Give feedback.
8. Be real with your verbal comments – kids know when you are shining them on.
9. Be a role model for finding and cultivating the best in them.
10. And, always KIP (Keep it Positive)!