“Goodness me,” she said. “The sky must be falling.”
Henny Penny is a children’s fable about a hen who thought the sky must be falling* when an acorn hit her on the head. In her hysteria, she runs to warn the king, and attracts her friends in the frenzy of wanting to go, too. Children giggle at her drama queen response. What if we retell the tale with current headlines on earth’s endangerment? Are we laughing at the Henny Pennys of today whose scientific calculations show that the earth is heating up and so are we?
Fear of the Future
Our planet is in peril and our children are experiencing the fallout. Studies show that our Earth is changing in unnatural and disturbing ways. There is fear in the atmosphere and it is about the future and feeling safe.
Children are aware of what is happening to the mountains, to the prairies, to the oceans white with foam and feel powerless to change it. They tell me they are crying over drowning polar bears, melting mountaintops, oceans of trash and the vanishing of bumble bees. The unsteady balance of nature has a direct effect on our children. The world they know and love is rapidly becoming a documentary on extinction. They wonder if they will wind up there, too.
A colleague thought I was exaggerating when I shared about the kids fearing the future. That was before she found her 10-year-old son crying himself to sleep after her 48th birthday celebration. When she asked why he was upset he said, “I’m afraid there isn’t going to be a world when I’m your age.”
Global Warming in Families
The economic crisis is heating things up at home. Financially challenging times can distress job, home life and relationships. How will the bills get paid? Will I be able to afford the basics of providing food and clothing for my family?
What looms as the obvious, immediate and often heaviest concerns places our focus on the external. We can often miss what is happening to the internal (family) heartbeat that is weakened by stress, worry and the sense of a personal empty well and barren pantry. Because there is a downturn in the economy doesn’t mean there is a downturn in hope, love, opportunities and dreams, unless we let it.
Climate Control
We need a cooling-down period. This means slowing our pace so we can put our finger on the pulse of family health and well-being.
What is the temperature in your home? Too hot? Arguments, screaming, temper tantrums, angry outbursts, put downs? Too cold? The silent treatment, lack of appreciation, lack of interaction, feeling invisible, getting lost on the Internet, the zombie zone.
Reflection: Who and what determines the comfort level in your home? Is it safe to come in? Can you feel the love? Is there laughter and fun? Is there face time (one-on-one)? Are there kudos for accomplishments?
Peer-to-Peer Pulse
A few years ago, I was working with Diego, a talented 20-something college graduate who was directing a teen center. We were collaborating on a workshop for high school students and I asked what he thought we should call the event. He said, “Saving Our Youth.” I was stunned by his response, especially from someone only seven years older than the teens. He told me, “we are losing our kids” and that even though he belongs to the same generation, there is a galaxy of difference, especially with their (dangerous) choices in friends and behavior. When asked why they made these choices, they responded, “Who cares?”
Visibility
The general consensus among tweens and teens is that they feel invisible to the significant adults in their life. When you are unseen, how can you feel valued? Kids are noticed when they do something wrong. The kids disrupting class are the ones that are seen and get called by name. It makes even the quiet kids want to jump in your face. What does it take for the significant adults to acknowledge what is going right, the positive choices and healthy decisions that are being made by kids? It takes 20-20 parenting.
I See You!
Children are our most precious natural resource. We know it — but do they? How does this message get communicated? Paying attention and non-judgmental listening are ways kids feel you see them and know they matter to you. Caring means you know what is happening, what lights them up, what turns them off, who they hang out with, who they are texting and most of all, you know the unsafe places. They want you to know! They are depending on you to help them navigate the land mines.
Providing Sanctuary
Isolation, bullying, negative peer pressure and not fitting in are critical issues that make kids feel unsafe and unhappy. The strongest safety net is to provide sanctuary — a peaceful haven which includes a sense of belonging and being valued as a contributor to the well-being of the whole. In this healthy climate, our kids have time to be nurtured and strengthened for living in a world that is heating up and speeding up.
How Much Does it Cost to Protect Our Children?
Sanctuary is not necessarily a physical place. It can be anywhere our children feel visible, appreciated and acknowledged. It can be found in our smile, in our tone of voice, in our accepting embrace. Our children are worthy of whatever time and efforts are needed to have sanctuary, to mine the gold of who they are, to engage in real relationships, and to prepare them to be the solution-makers and the hope-bringers of tomorrow. Provide sanctuary in a frightening world — teach them that we have each other — and life won’t seem quite so frightening.
Our children are the living messages we send to a time and place we will never see.
*“The sky is falling” is a common expression indicating the mistaken belief that disaster is imminent. Wikipedia definition
